Saturday, 6 April 2013 when I begin.. Just NOW! when I begin.. Just NOW!

Its been 10 years on this spiritual journey with dearest Guruji now. Unlike a lot devotees it took me a while (one whole year!) to realize that HE is my true calling, I belong to HIM. But, my highly analytical (?) and logical(?) mind realized the power of the #Sudarshankriya right after I got my “1st Shot” at it and it became a part of my daily routine. My Teachers for the course were Dearest Bau and Dinesh Bhaiya..Their cool and relaxed approach to spirituality, not pressurizing us into believing any set Doctrine or ideology was a relief and also very inspiring. Most of my course mates (half of them are teachers now), started making plans to visit their “new home” @BangaloreAshram, almost as soon as the course was over. For me though, even the thought of it, was out of question. I had a very demanding job, and an over demanding and protective family, who would never agree that I visit an “ashram” to meet a “guru”??!!  In the many coming years, attending satsangs, volunteering for events, organizing courses and assisting some wonderful teachers became a part of me. I did not really realize how my Guru was slowly entering my life and making me HIS own through these amazing acts. As my involvement with AOL increased so did my Faith and Love for HIM.  Soon I did my first Advanced course with Guruji in Ahmedadbad and witnessed the vastness in DIVINITY in the Shivratri PUJA..i was lost..and found! I had found HIM and HE had found ME…still @BangaloreAshram?? no thoughts no ideas...out of question. Life became busy, took major turns, my Sadhna and faith in HIM sailed me through. There were times i questioned HIM and doubted HIM, when I felt left out and uncared for...but HE was ALWAYS within reach, it was me who would lose vision from time to time.
Eventually, since 2011, I started thinking about the Ashram, checking it out on social networking sites, following the webcasts, getting in contact with a few friends from the ashram. Curiosity and a silent desire had kicked in. I started discussing about ashram activities at home and often casually mentioned that I’d like to visit it one day, and thankfully no one objected...actual plans were still out of question.  I was still oblivious of the fact that my desire had been heard and plans were being made!! My time had come. .And soon dearest Gurudev walked his way into my life almost magically in May 2012 in the form of My Angel. A Friend from Bangalore Ashram, who motivated me and inspired me to come HOME. “You should come and visit your home and meet your Guru who has been waiting for you for so long.” His words were my true calling. Soon, things happened as gracefully and magically as HIM and I was on my way HOME! With fear, doubts, questions, curiosity, anxiety and panic as my companions, I set out to experience HIS grace yet again. The entire journey, from the moment I boarded the flight was like a huge “homecoming” celebration. Gurudev was making it sure I felt warm and welcome and loved each moment of this journey. From Co-passengers (who are friends till date), to the wonder play of the clouds during the flight, to the warmest reception at the ashram by dearest ones personally, by messages and phone calls, the amazing comfort of my room at Yagyashala, the breath of Grace and Gratitude every day, every moment that I spent in the ashram is beyond expression! How wonderfully HE conspired to meet me in person, just to fulfill a silly desire! What all HE does to make us Happy! Leaving the ashram after the wonderful Gurupuja Course with BhanuMa was Suicidal! Painful! As soon as I left the ashram, I was already planning my next visit and somehow, I was damn sure it will be very soon...and I was back at HOME in 2 months for CST part -1 with Dr. Bente. !!
Since these two visits Home, my life has changed. I am relaxed and positive, I sleep alone in my room :p!! My love and Faith in HIM has grown leaps and bounds and is growing with each breath, I am a wee bit more confident, I smile almost all the time, people love me a little more, and respect me a little more…my Sadhna has become effortless..i connect to HIM and my inner self even more easily now...and my longing for divinity is intensifying every moment!
Staying away from my Guru, my Home is like a Tapasya for me now. Longing for the Omnipresent is such a blessed feeling. HE is always with me, I reach HIM so easily and comfortably, but I still long for HIM,
HIS physical presence, His words of wisdom, HIS ever smiling aura, HIS deepest gaze, HIS laughs and naughty grins, HIS presence that is felt in the Ashram even when HE is away. I can just continue my “Taspasya” and count moments when I shall be with HIM again soon …At Home..To Stay..
Now I know why he kept me away so long.. My Home is an addiction, and perhaps now is the right time for me to get addicted??!! Perhaps, now I won’t have to wait too long….


  1. Brilliant piece for the first one. Every grateful to HIM for the joy HE adds to every moment of our lives. Great writing and the feelings are visible in each letter of this post. All the very best in your blogging journey. Enjoy every word that is post out here. Jai Gurudev

    1. You have played a blessed role in this journey!! thank u for ur selfless support sureshji! Lots of love and blessings to u!!

  2. The attainment during the course study and precipices ,the deep sense of belonging and binding moments between YOU and HIM were one sided,it is clear that the Tapasya and the devotions you made was some way or the other was missing of oneness/ togetherness.